Last night, I ate my body weight* in soft pretzel bites.
There were a series of circumstances that led to this mass consumption of bites of carbs and salt (dipped in honey mustard, also filled with carbs and salt). We had Chloe's 12th birthday party--outside in 30 degree weather, because this is a normal thing to do in 2021. I did not get to eat very much because I was busy keeping the girls entertained, masked and 6 feet apart. And then, when everything was done, I was hungry, exhausted and freezing (because it is January in New Jersey).
I think perhaps since I was so cold, my body wanted me to bulk up.
My consumption began slowly--like one quick one when I passed by the platter. Then a couple dipped in honey mustard while I waited for my tea to heat up in the microwave. Then like a platter of them with a glass of wine (you cannot drink on an empty stomach!). And then I heated some in the microwave.
I mean in the end, I probably consumed like a couple dozen of them. (I looked up the calorie information and I think I ate enough calories for the entire Q1 of 2021).
Which, I basically had.
That foggy feeling was not welcome--in fact it made me feel like I was maybe on the verge of a stroke or some sort of diabetic coma. However, I had a busy day of interviewing cancer researchers, managing Cataract Surgery (eye 2!!)**, baby food to market and calls to make. So, I decided to shove away that feeling of impending doom and get on with it.
And I was fine. But you know, slow. I did not feel like someone who has been crushing her daily step goal or doing abs and meditation everyday for 25 days straight or someone who has been riding her Peloton at least 5 days a week. I felt like someone who just ate everything at the buffet.
I am not proud of myself.
This year, I pledged to dedicate myself to simple new routines everyday--writing here, 5 abs and 5 minute meditation. Find 4 hours a month to work on the book. Find time to ride and run more. But out of all my higher goals, I never included food.
And you are what you eat right? And I'd rather be like a beautiful swiss chard than a truly stale pretzel nugget.
So, I've decided to try to incorporate a new simple habit into my 2021 routine--I call it "food logging without judgement."Everyday, starting tomorrow***, I am just going to jot down what I eat--no judgement. I've done Weight Watchers and My Fitness Pal before--in the beginning I enjoy the game of consuming as much volume as possible; while minimizing my caloric intake. But by Week 2, I am over it. I am over the shame and the weird urge to hide reality from myself. So, my new low tech plan is simply to write down every time something goes into my mouth.
I think in general, I am a pretty healthy eater. I limit processed foods. I pay attention to portion size. I enjoy lean proteins. But, then there are the days when I lack all self control and eat my body weight in soft pretzels (or consumer 3 Hershey Kisses while wearing a sports bra and watching someone else workout.).
And I don't want those days anymore. So, onwards to my "Food Logging Without Judgement," I am not sure what the result will be exactly--but I do know this is a great, manageable first step.
*Estimated but not vetted data
** My mother is wonderful and Matthew, the nurse, pushed her out in a wheelchair again, so she was very happy! She might want to get her third eye done.
*** Because I literally just thought of this today!