So, this is how this blog works. I am giving myself 5 minutes to write about 5 minutes. I set a timer. This is how it will work. I am only allowing myself to write for 5 minutes. I might end mid-sentence. I really have no idea what will happen. I did not even want to write tonight.
I got this idea, because tonight I decided to take a 10 minute meditation instead of my regular daily 5 minute meditation. I've wanted to give a longer meditation a whirl; and then I saw a Ross Rayburn "Meditation for Healing" in the Peloton App.
And I felt like I needed a little healing after the trauma of yesterday.
Adding the 5 minutes to the meditation seemed like torture. I know 5 minutes does not sound like a long time; but it is double what I was going before. And in 5 minutes, lots of things can happen:
1. I could scroll through my social media feeds and find a funny meme, save it, text it to 10 friends and still have time to maybe find another one or two.
2. I could respond to a message in my email box or my Facebook messenger. Which reminds me, I got the best message today from a long lost cousin (I mean he was not lost in reality, we just have a big family) and it made my day.
3. I could read 5 pages of my book.
4. I could agonize over the fact I have about 1 minute left here.
5. I could eat a piece of candy.
6. I could open a bottle of wine.
7. I could tell everyone in my family individually I love them.
8. I could dry my hair with my new dyson!
9. I could. . I have no idea.
But 5 minutes seemed (the time went off right here, but I have to finish my thought) like forever when I was meditating for healing. I have no idea if I healed. But I do know that my 5 minutes of daily meditation for the past 18 days has already made a big shift in my life. I have more room for dealing with everything--the normal, the abnormal that is normal for me, the strange, the amusing, the dramatic and the traumatic. I am holding on to so much less.
It is like catch and release fishing for my mental state--I catch the mood/situation/drama/trauma and release it. I am no heavier for it. It just was.
I think I wrote for 10 minutes. But, this is not surprising, if you ask my family, I have zero sense of time, I never follow the rules and I cheat at board games (I DON'T THEY JUST ARE NOT VERY FOCUSED OR DRIVEN TO WIN.).
Anyway, I guess I have to stop now.