Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Where does time go?

I haven't written here in a while. It has been months.

Where does the time go?

Since I've written things have happened--a person we love was hit by a car while riding her bike. Rachel. Rachel, the beloved friend and true sister to my children, is in a coma. A coma.

That is a big thing, you know?

We finally, after 3 years, buried my father at a National Cemetery. I initially delayed the burial of his ashes when he died in September 2011. I could not take one more funeral; there was no way I would stomach one more morbid, sobbing remembrance. Then I had a surprise baby boy, no doubt a gift from the great beyond. Then I had more excuses and the military had more red tape and more paperwork and then my Mother, somehow, scheduled the Committal Date. Committal--that is what the military calls--like we are committing my Father to be actually dead, not just passed away--but dead.

It is all too much for me to ever fully put into words.

My kids keep growing and learning and misbehaving and making me laugh and making me weep with joy every night. Each of them speak more eloquently now--ask for things more specifically. Lily is practically a teenager--I see her as herself--not just as my daughter--but as a fully independent force, just Lily. Chloe is getting smarter, she is developing reasoning skills that nearly eclipse mine and she is learning to tell me when I need to stop treating her as the same as her sister and still treat her as she-6 years old. Nicholas speaks and screams and screams and then screams words--throwing them at me like a belligerent homeless person, reminding me that when I am not here he cried and then burying all his sweet little boyness into me--the perfect, most delicious hug that washes away the screams.

I will never be worthy of these children and that is the way it should be.

I am, also, apparently attempting to break a World Record for the Largest Cup of Lemonade--an endeavor which is entirely ridiculous, not part of anyone's 5-year plan and absolutely a scene in a sitcom (remember Cindy and Bobby Brady see-sawing?). But it is an endeavor which does not remotely surprise me. In 1995, with both our feet clad in Vans, Mike and I laid on the floor laughing and vowing to never, ever lead a boring life.

Years later, our first daughter was diagnosed with cancer. Now, we are making a huge cup of lemonade, inspired by the beautiful Alex Scott and her amazing family who continues her legacy. When life give you lemons..  .you make the biggest darn glass of lemonade possible.

It is never boring.

xoxo


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