We are moving to Hawaii. Or Arizona (however not the Navajo Nation). Or Puerto Rico, Guam or American Samoa.
(I considered parts of Asia, South America, Southeastern Australia and Africa. However, I am too exhausted to get the boy a passport.)
I have to get out of this place that recognizes and celebrates DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME.
I simply do not fit in.
Sunday, I woke up confident that my iPhone made the necessary adjustments to the time. We had already decided to skip church, in honor of Daylight Savings Time, and loaf around in our pajamas (complaining about Daylight Savings Time while my middle kid complained about missing church and my oldest complained about watching Paw Patrol while the boy complained there was not enough yogurt. TOTAL BLISS!).
I looked at my phone and had HOURS and HOURS before I had to be somewhere. It was amazing.
Then suddenly, I looked at my phone again and I had LOST TIME.
THE TIME DISAPPEARED.
WHERE DID IT GO?
(To Guam? To Arizona (except for the Navajo Nation?)???)
Suddenly, I had approximately 5 minutes to get myself dressed and together. BECAUSE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME STOLE MY TIME.
Today, Monday (I think? Who knows? It seems we live in the land time forgot or we are living BACK TO THE FUTURE or something.), I began my day unclear if it was actually the day or the night.
At Panera, the cashier was unable to tell me if it was breakfast or lunch. I think I ate broccoli and cheese soup for breakfast. No one could tell me if this was appropriate or strange. THEY HAD NO IDEA.
It was like everyone's mind was erased by DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME.
Then I looked at the clock in my car. It read:
I HAVE NO IDEA IF IT WAS THE MORNING OR THE EVENING!! I still had my sunglasses on.
I am not sure if it was actually 6:33. It could be 7:33. It could be 5:33. It could be another time entirely. There are so many clocks that I cannot remember if I've changed them.
Is it day? Is it night? Is it coffee time? Or Gin and Tonic time? Is it Monday? Is it Sunday? Are we in the Southern Hemisphere? Have we moved to Guam, already? Is it 2015? Or is it 1985 and we have to get back to the future? OR WORSE, IS IT THE FUTURE AND WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO 1985?
Just what happened when I went to sleep on Saturday night?
Damn you, Daylight Savings Time. And HELLO to you, Arizona (except not the Navajo Nation) or Guam or Hawaii or American Samoa or Puerto Rico! You are the only places where I can always know what the time is and where I can probably enjoy frosty drinks poolside all year round.
Who needs time when you are poolside in January?
P.S.Daylight Savings Time has caused me to complain on a Monday. So it is THURSDAY? I just don't know.