I have some lingering sins to repent for.
I am good at repenting the day-to-day stuff and since I've made repenting a priority, I've gotten to my sins in real time. But there are some things that are hanging around my neck.
I do not want to ever become like Judas--a man who allowed sin to own him until the end.
It is so easy to repent as you trudge along; it is impossible for me to repent the old dirt.
There is so much of it.
God knows all of it. And I am pretty certain that he has already forgiven me. The trouble is, I have not forgiven myself. I don't have earth-shattering mortal sins in my past. Nothing I have done would make for good T.V. or gossip. But I have stuff. Stuff that I am not proud of; stuff I should have done but I did not; stuff that should not have done, but did anyway.
I've got stuff. And it is heavy.
I wish I had listened years ago to the words: "One of you will betray me." Because dredging up the old dirt is hard, but necessary to be accept the gift of God's perfect love. This dredging is not something I can accomplish in a week or a month or even a year. It will be accomplished and repented and resolved in God's time. I have to wait for it. Quietly, patiently and without fear.
He knows I've betrayed him, but he loves me still.
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