Circular Kinda Love (Week 6 Update)

This afternoon, Mike and I had a loud, screaming, ridiculous argument.

I think the walls shook as we both took turns yelling. I remember thinking:

"THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE WEEK OF LOVE AND ROMANCE. WHY ARE YOU RUINING IT BY BEING SO DIFFICULT!!!"

After all, I've been working on being infatuated with my husband all week and meditating on Song of Solomon 1:1-3:

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant, your name is perfume poured out.”

Our fight was leading me to want to drink large amounts of wine and perhaps to scream his name in a very un-perfume/anointing oils kinda way.

In the end we called each other both crazy. Yelled about nonsense and huffed off to our separate corners for a little bit.

After the fight dissipated (and I had a glass of wine), we were both finally ready to be in the same room.  Mike looked at me and said:

"I honestly don't understand why we ever fight."

And then I remembered why I love him, because he always, always forgives me.

Our love is a circular kind of love. It is not that he loved me first and I followed suit; it is not that he pursued me and I gave in. The truth is a bit less logical and it is not a point A to B scenario. I don't know the exact moment we both loved each other--I can't even tell you for sure when I knew for sure that he was the one I would build a life with beyond my parents. I just know that he loves me. He loves me best when I forget that I need it and then I love him a bit more because he knew what I needed. Round and round our cycle of love goes and it never ceases.

There is a forgiveness to true love--a way in which you love fully, without conditions and without ceasing. It is a love that does not leave--a love that is ever present even when you get in its way by shouting or yelling or fighting.

It is that Song of Solomon love that is better than wine and sweeter than perfume.

I am, most definitely, crazy in love with my husband. And I know he feels the same way about me.

Somewhere in between us or maybe surrounding us, is God's love--which never ceases and always forgives. It is God's love that allows to love each other so fully. And like the love affair I have with my husband, it is a circular kind of love. God has always loved me. And I have always loved him.  God certainly does not love me because I love him. I suck most days at loving him. He loves me in spite of me.


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