Friday, September 28, 2012

Because cleaning is so 1955 or a Friday Ramble

Author's note: I am supposed to be cleaning. Not because someone told me to, but because the house needs to be cleaned. Underwear needs to be washed (although it is tempting to just go buy some at Target), the piles on my desk are threatening to bury me alive and I heard lots of running water in the girls bathroom today, followed by sinister whispers. Instead, I am doing what I do best: rambling and not letting anyone get a word in edgewise.


It is Friday. I have one article to finish (the editor is absolutely turning purple with rage), a house to clean (why do we have so many rooms?), laundry to wash and a to-do list of random emails, follow-ups and other stuff.

I have not accomplished one thing. And it is 9:45 a.m.

I have it all and then some. 
This week has been a week of failures and successes. Failure: my to do list is just growing, instead of shrinking. Success: I landed a gig I am excited about. It has also been another emotional week. I've avoided writing childhood cancer awareness posts, because I just cannot handle it emotionally (but will resume next week). We learned that Lily's teacher has ovarian cancer--early stage--but so scary. Please pray for her as her begins her fight. Mrs. Renner became a fast favorite with her nurturing, yet hardcore nature--the teacher I'd be if I could handle children in mass quantity.  Her story has also reminded me that I have a moral responsibility to Just Go, always: gold, teal, pink, purple, polka dots and rainbow--we've all got to stick together in the fight against cancer and everything else sinister.

I've made it to 26 weeks pregnant with no preeclampsia symptoms: a really wonderful sign that maybe we will avoid the NICU this time with The Boy.   I made it through my first annual Death Week: and I feel pretty good about being fatherless.  And I've recognized that maybe friends were not exactly lost during my year of mourning: but that I gained different priorities and a whole new life; a life I like quite a lot and a life that fits me well.

My new life is a very modern spin on housewifery. I do not view myself as the stay at home mom nor do I view myself as any sort of urban career girl. I am something in between. My motherhood has taught me: I can be it all; but I have to define what "it all," means. For me: it means being a constant and available volunteer at my daughters' schools, at church and in the community. It means being a faithful, Jesus-loving woman. It means being a communicative, loving and minimally snarky spouse. It means being a friend to everyone I meet; not just those people I like. It means not freaking out when I miss a deadline or struggle and fail.  It means not giving up my writing life or my yoga life; but keeping those things in the mix and in proportion.

And it means sometimes I have to clean my house.




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