Pass the Bon-Bons: Things you shouldn't say to a Stay at Home Mom

In the timeless Mommy Wars, so many of us stick our foots in our mouths with delightful little tidbits and absurdities. I am a stay-at-home-mom (and about four hundred other things, if you are wondering), but once I was a Work-Outside-the-home-mom, too. I've heard it all (I hope!). And I have friends who are working moms (scandalous!).

The bottom line: Motherhood is work. No matter how you do. No matter where you do. No matter who you pay to help you. No matter who you beg to help you. No matter if you feel help-less. No matter if you do have a stockpile of Bon-Bons. The whole deal is a lot of work--at home, in the office, on an airplane or in your bathroom (where I am sitting right now hiding and writing).

And the second bottom line: Most of us never think before we speak.

And most important: We are so lucky to be mothers. I cannot think of anything better than being called "Mom," by my girls.

One of my best working mom friends, Sarah, over at Finnegan and the Hughes, agrees with me: Motherhood is a job and we all just need to stick together. Together, Sarah and I compiled our favorite absurdities and classic opinions we've heard from our different sides of the fence.

1. "It must be so great to get out of the house"
      Why yes, because I never, ever leave. Often, I remain in my bedroom for days on end. And my children fear the sunlight.

2. "Do you work? You know, "Outside-of-the-home?"
     Seriously, just ask what I do. Or refer to the above, my children fear sunlight. We never leave these four walls.

3. "Ladies, grab your husband's credit card!" (as said to me in one form or another at school, dance and other fundraising events aimed at the stay-at-home-mom set).
    I will grab it. Because as a woman and a non-working lady, I am not allowed to own property. It is 1775, right? 

4. "What do you do all day?"
    Nothing. On occasion I shower. But mostly nothing.

5. "Aren't you bored?"
     No! There is Facebook!!!

6. "It must be great to be able to keep your house super clean!"
    I don't even know where the vacuum is exactly.

7. "Did you just come from the gym?" (as said to me at school pick up when I am in sweats)
    Yes. Because I typically dress in a ball gown for potty training.

8. "Why are the kids so cranky? Didn't you give them enough attention, you are at home?!"
     Between Facebook, spot cleaning my ball gown and scheming to steal my husband's credit card, I completely ignored them!

9. "You are at home. Can you chair this committee? Babysit my kids? Plan this event?"
    Absolutely. Something magical happens and time bends and twirls when you are a stay at home mom. I have limitless time!!

10. "What do you do with all your free time?"
     I search for the perfect Bon-Bon!! 

11. "You stay at home?!! I could never do that!"
    If it wasn't for my fear of the sun, me neither!! 

12.  "You have it so easy. I wish I could stay at home!"
    I wish you could too. So I would not have to chair every freaking bake sale.

13. "You don't work."
    You are so right. I am more like a slave who cleans, runs car pools, does laundry, teaches my children, negotiates with terrorists (my children) and cleans up human feces!

14. "It must be great to sleep in."
    It is. Like on the weekends. 

15. "I don't know how you do it!"
     I don't know how any of us Mothers do it. It is miracle work. It is work for saints. It is work for Mothers. And we all do it, brilliantly!


  1. Brilliant! Though sleeping in on the weekends is still a pipe dream for me...

  2. This made me smile, my kids are older and i was 'that stay at home mom' and can think of MANY times I was insulted for what I did!!!

  3. Great read...and so too true!

  4. I have been a stay-at-home mom for most of my motherhood "career" and I don't regret any second. I like to think I am an involved, caring mother. But I am sure if I worked full time, I would still be all of those things. My husband and I made that decision when our first born was 6 months old becuase that is what worked best for us. However, I have a handful of good friends who work full time and are ALSO amazing, wonderful and involved mothers. We all have to do what is best for us. In my opinion, people SHOULD think before they say these ridiculous things.

  5. I couldn't have said this better myself! I was a "work outside the home mom" and then became disabled which left me no other choice than to become a stay-at-home-mom and I will say that I do MORE now then I EVER did working a full-time job!!! I can't call in sick, can't take a vacation, can't just have someone else help me get the job done and in all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way! I am a STAY-AT-HOME-MOM hear me roar :-P LOL Now off to hit up my bon-bon stash....

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. From a males stand point, my husband gets this "you must be doing really good for your wife to stay home". Ugh!

  7. I have stayed home, worked more than full time, and am happily settled in a situation where I teach half days and have the afternoons home with my kids. I just don't understand why everyone cannot respect others' choices. As long as all children are cared for and fed, it really is nobody's business how someone else raises their family. Some Dads stay home. Some moms are in the military. Families are different. Live and let live. (This applies to the breastfeeding issue, circumcision issue, etc.)


Post a Comment