Thursday, March 29, 2012

Coffee, I gave it up and then it found me.

Costs A Latte.
I gave up coffee for Lent and then it found me.

It was all going swimmingly and then, well, I was text messaging someone important (i forget who, but YOU ARE ALL important!) and the Starbucks man was text messaging someone else important when I ordered my chai latte.

I continued to be distracted because Chloe had opened two chocolate milks directly from the cold case and Lily was screaming that she wanted the pink cake pop with white sprinkles; not the white cake pop with pink sprinkles.

Before I knew it, I drank half of a regular latte. Which is essentially coffee. And I was off the coffee-free-for-Lent wagon in a blink of an eye.

I thought about throwing it out. But then, Chloe attempted to run into the middle of Kings Highway during rush hour and I got distracted, again.

I gave up coffee and then it found me in Starbucks, of all places. Go figure.

I gave up coffee as a practice in discipline. You see, I have no discipline. My mouth is the most undisciplined part of me--words flow without any sense of control and sometimes, well often, they are offensive or unnecessary or just simply too many. I thought maybe that by giving up my most favorite beverage in the whole entire universe--with caff or without--that maybe I would then be able to find the discipline to control my manic and slightly crazy talking habit.

And then, maybe, then, I could be quiet enough and hear God's voice like all those other quiet people who read Elephant Journal or like those monks in Spain.

Alas, none of it worked. I failed. Horribly. The day after my accidental latte; I made myself a yummy cup of Green Mountain Black Magic, brewed right in my Keurig. Then I stopped drinking it for a few days and totally gave into my urges at a Bible study. It was all downhill. I am back on the sauce.  Full time.

But strangely, I am less distracted by the need to not have coffee. So what if I have it? So what if I don't? I know God never cared either way--He just wants me as I am--manic. crazy. full of words. But, He wants me distraction free. He wants me focused on one thing at a time.  If need to choose my words carefully, then I do, because I think before I speak. If my kids need something specific, I hear it the first time. If I order a chai, I get a chai.

And when He speaks to me, I hear Him.

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