Today, I was enticed by a Facebook status challenge:
"Go to Urbandictionary.com, type in your first and last name and post the definition in your status."
I went. Popped in one of many pseudonyms. The variations of my names are endless. Lately, I've been Trish Adkins.
The response: Trish Adkins isn't defined yet.
Seriously? I am so unimportant that I am not defined.
Then I entered in about 33 other variations on my name
Trish A. Adkins
Patricia A. Adkins
The list went on and on. The response never changed, "not defined yet." I clicked on the hyperlinked "yet" and got a form to define myself. I had no idea where to start. Should I say, Trish Adkins (noun): mom, wife, best friend, super star, something fabulous
Trish Adkins (verb): to procrastinate and slouch
Trish Adkins (adjective): spirited. grumpy. happy.
I honestly have no idea how to define myself.
Everyday I go to my mat and looking for me. I never seem to find all of me, just the bits and pieces. I discovered this month that my hips are actually naturally flexible and my abs are not as weak as I thought. I've found that I when I feel negatively about someone, I feel negatively about myself. Yesterday, I accepted the fact that I am scared of having my eyes closed for long periods of time--I feel totally out of control. All of these revelations are the pieces.
So for now, Trish Adkins (and all her alternate names) isn't defined yet. And that is exactly how it should be. Otherwise, I could just pack my mat up and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then Trish Adkins would be (adjective): dull. uninteresting. incomplete.